Too Hot to Handle: Irish pensioner dies from spontaneous human combustion’

(This actually me just trying to catch a tan. I know its not the best way, but the recession hit hard on me bro!)

An old Irish guy was found dead drunk in his house leprechaun shoe, and it is believed that he spontaneously combusted. If you were to ask me, he probably drank so much that when he tried to light his pipe, he went KA-BOOM-BOOM. The coroner  leprechaun who led the investigation trail to the pot of gold said it was the first time in 25 years he had ever seen this sort of thing. Me? Nahh I see this shit all the time. People just see my face penis and explode due to its abnormally big small size. STOP STARING ALREADY. 

Lesson Learnt: Smoking and drinking is a bad idea the bestest thing you could ever do ever *cheeky grin*