AWHH HELL NO!: Bloblfish near to Extinction

Awhh just look at that slimy disgusting vile looking snot-drooling thing…….What I was talking about the picture YOUR FACE. (Come on, tell me you didnt see that coming?) 

DAYUM NATURE, YOU SCARY! Im afraid it is true. Mr Blobfish over here is nearing extinction. I’m not sure whether we should all be jumping for joy, or masturbating, what, WHAT? I didn’t say nuthin’, why is everyone looking at me? *tries to imitate the Blobfish’s Face*. In a way I do kinda feel sorry for the guy, I mean its not like he’s done anything wrong, except for looking so depressed it makes me depressed , and so I end up on my bedroom floor contemplating suicide whilst listening to My Chemical Romance………dont lie, we’ve all done it, RIGHT? Anyway, here is what the experts have to say about this emo-fish cuttin’ himself and shit:

increasing levels of deep-sea fishing in Australia and Tasmania for crab and lobster mean that they are being dragged up with other catches in increasing numbers.”

STUPID AUZZIES, go play cricket or something, however playing cricket with a Blobfish would be cruel HIL-ARIOUS. But in all seriousness, lets hope that these little depressed things dont go cuttin’ themselves just yet.

OOOH, AAAHHH: Mesmerizing swinging balls of Happiness

How gay is the caption on a scale of one to ten you ask? but i didnt ask a questi… ITS ELEVEN GOD DAMN IT. 

Well, once upon a time, I was trolling through the interwebz  my mental porn bank (don’t tell me you don’t have one!) and somehow stumbled across this video. I mean at first I was all like, "Whut?", but then i was like "Ahhh", and finished on , "Oooh!”. Its a video of a desktop ball thingy, which was progressively longer pieces of string attaching them to the pole. (and you guys thought this would be an innuendo about my balls, well it is, all 18 of them) Just click on the link below to watch the video, but beware, you might get hypnotised and start  licking your wall…. or something worse………. (I take no responsibility on the things you may or may not lick…) 


I want one!: Uber fast Mobility scooter takes on plane and wins!

I dont care how you look at it, this guy has balls ovaries of steel!

A guy named Colin,(seen here taking a massive dump on the go) race modified a mobility scooter. You can tell this guy doesn’t get laid much, accept for the line of Gran’s lined up outside his house to test out his suspension” *wink wink, puke*. He put a 125cc motorcycle engine in the back just to see if it would work, tested  it out on a public road. He ended up with a speeding ticket registering 75.9 mph on a 30 mph road, and somehow avoided going to court (probably by giving a blowjob to the policeman, its what i’d do ive done). Anyway, he thought it would be cool to have a drag race against a aeroplane, and got his head chopped off! Well…….not quite, he won and lived to tell the tale (selfish bastard). He is now working on a 250cc engine model, in which he hopes to beat a superbike…… That aint happening. 

Lesson Learnt: Grandma’s are not too keen on anal…. 

LOL whut?: Heavy metal music saves Norwegian boy from wolves

So what would of happened if he played JLS? He would have probably been caressed and sang a lovely song  mauled apart and then fucked (and yes, in that order). Oh and im sorry for another unrelated picture……but DRINKS ALL ROUND!

Right now back to the post. This fourteen your old kid went for a pleasent walk wank in the forest behind his garden, in the foothills of Norway. On his way back, he was unexpectedly suprised by 4 big ass mother-fucking wolves. (now this is the part i dont get) The boy, who was probably shitting himself, got his phone out an started playing some heavy metal music. I’m sorry, what? Your about to die and the best thing you could do is whip out your phone penis?! If it was me, i’d of been all like;

OH HEY GUYS, yeahh i got some new choons for ya’ll, just promise you wont eat me? I got some Busted, some Backstreet Boys, ill blutooth it you now bbygurl *wink face*

Well anyway, the wolves decided that heavy metal wasn’t their music taste, and pounced off into the distance, and they all lived happily ever after. (Booooring). Would have been more fun if they mistaken him for a Shewolf *insert annoying Shakria song*

Lesson Learnt: Dont fuck with wolves, unless you like Heavy Metal, then you can fuck with them (but dont fuck them…………okay……..maybe a little)

I would do that: Pub singer arrested over singing Kung Fu Fighting in front of Chinese people

Im only doing this post so I can include this picture, or because i have nothing better to do, WHO KNOWS (not me thats for sure) 

This pub singer in the Isle of Wight was casually singing at as bar. The song that the decided to sing was Kung Fu Fighting (HIIIIYHAAAAA). At the same time some Chinese dude walked passed (im guessing in Tuxedo’s, with sunglasses and a samurai sword strapped to their back), and got aroused offended, and then called their private ninja’s the Po’Po. The guy is now under arrest for racial harassment and is currently being fucked up the ass by a prison warden named Beatrice (she’s got a strap-on, or is a man, either way it was huge!). I do feel sorry for the guy though, i mean its not as if when they walked passed he shouted,

"WHEE AR CHINESE PEPOWL" *whilst squinting his eyes, and drinking Saki*  (however I would pay to see that) 

Lesson Learnt: LETS ALL DRINK SAKI!!!!!!11